It must have been only a dream but it was one of the best dreams I ever had.
I can't recall his face - of course my dream was about this guy - but it wasn't about his TDH features (which, like I said I hardly recall), it was the way he made me feel being in his presence. he usually knew the right things to say to get me blushing and he must have had a bag full of tricks with my name on it.
I never met him. He just walked into my space without warning, set up shop there and started arranging his stuff in my space before I could object. I was tongue-tied for a long while and in absolute disbelief at what was going on because I am used to having my space to myself. However, I couldn't send him packing as he didn't do it in an offensive manner such that in the end I found myself welcoming him into by space.
We got talking (and boy, do I like to talk?). He humored me a lot and taught me as we went along. In a matter of minutes I found myself warming up to this guy and sharing long hours bantering over anything and everything. I found that he was an easy-to-like person and I must have been under a spell or something 'cos I spent much of my waking hours mulling through our conversations (with a smile on my face) or talking with him. I realized what it must be like to be in a serious exclusive relationship (and the dangers of excluding other friends, which I was unthinkingly exhibiting) and it felt good to have my own somebori.
Was it too good to be true?
I remember how different I used to be when I was younger - you'd need a whole lot of speeches to convince me that you had a reason to ask for my audience and even then if i felt you didn't make a good case, I'd squash your speech in front of you - not because I was cruel or insensitive but because I figured I might as well be your mirror until you know exactly why you want what you want from me. Not like much has changed now but I feel a lot less inclined to audition people or squash their speeches. I know within a few discussions if you have 'it' or not. And when I suspect you might, I key into 'it' and start analyzing the "what-ifs". This case wasn't any different. Actually it was worse because it'd seem he came prepared with his "what-if-nots".
But of course yours truly has to go full circle - the gremlin showed up screaming "WHAT-IF" you get heartbroken again!!! and a million other what-ifs. My dream was beginning to stifle me as I couldn't voice my fears - actually i tried to but i admittedly did it from a place of fear and got shut out and completely misunderstood. That was when I knew I had to wake up. I couldn't go through another heart break right now (or ever). I started having 'the talks' with myself - "you will be fine; these things always have an opportunity cost which hurts so bad, so maybe you are indeed better off alone; you have no idea what you are being saved from; LET IT GO!"
