It'd seem I was sleeping all through life and woke up the day I said "I do". At least that's how it appears to me. The guy had stood across from me at the altar, beaming a self-assured smile, possibly mirroring my 100watt smile. That guy must have been a stranger, or is it this one I now live with that is the stranger? Or maybe I am the stranger! I dunno. Sometimes, when I replay that day, I wish I had taken off like Julia Roberts in the movie Runaway Bride-maybe I'd be happier now.....maybe.
Their marriage had lasted all of 5 years and now it all seemed pointless-getting married in the first place. What was I thinking? My instinct had always been of marriage-phobia, commitment-phobia generally. Then that year the marriage bug must have bitten me, the friends were getting married and dropping more babies per second it'd seem, the biological clock seemed to tick louder and louder too and everything else happened quickly. I met ez (Easy) and we fit like a pair of socks. He was easy (lol) going and seemed to tolerate my every idiosyncrasy - and I know I had one too many a quirk.
So what happened? How did our happy ever after turn to this?
I'm sure I'd exhaust you, if you indulge me, with a litany of good reasons why I had to go back on my word. I like to think that I made the best decision when I decided to say "I do", how come I am as sure now that it is best to leave-leave with any iota of dignity or self respect I have left in me, for me? I can't even begin to explain it...But I realize that if I could turn back the hands of time, I might still make the same mistake! It shakes me right through my foundation-the turn of things these last years...how far I'd come-I barely recognize me. But right now and regardless of what anyone thinks, I am done with this here! I'd even go all the way through the motions to unsay 'I do' or better still say 'I don't'.
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